"I heard about the stunt," Whitney says, and I'm touched again when I see that she's changed shirts as well, putting on her cheerleading practice top instead of the blouse she'd worn earlier. "Tomorrow I'll be more coordinated."
"You look beautiful to me still," I say, taking her hand. We can't kiss in the cafeteria. The teachers on duty can't overlook that level of PDA, but we are able to keep holding hands as we sit down and start eating. "I can't believe all this."
"Wait until tomorrow," Whitney says, spearing her hamburger steak with a fork and cutting through. "Dani told me during third period that half the school's going to be wearing blue."
"They don't need to do that," I say, shaking my head but still smiling. "Hey, the weekend wasn't all bad. Work on Saturday was good, and Sunday, I got some good news to go with the rest."
"Oh? What's that?"
"Clement's going to offer me a football scholarship," I say, smiling. "Full ride."
Whitney's fork pauses, and her face goes kind of pinched. "Clement. That's in California, right?"
"Just north of Los Angeles," I say. "It's a great school, and Coach thinks I have a good chance to start my freshman year for them as a linebacker."
"But . . .” Whitney says, then swallows. "What about State? You were all gung ho for them, and they're only an hour away."
"They are, but State's not going to be a good school for me. Besides, while I appreciate what everyone's doing for me right now, after this past weekend, there isn't much that I want to remember about Silver Lake Falls. Too many bad memories, and maybe some distance would be helpful. I've got to build a life without all this damn baggage."
Whitney goes quiet and finishes her lunch without saying another word. I eat my food, but when she goes to stand up, she waves me back when I try to follow. "Maybe some distance would be helpful," she says and backs away. "I've got a meeting with Dani for game prep. See you later."
As I sit there, I realize what I said, and I shake my head. I'm not saying that I don't want a relationship with Whitney. I love her. Regardless of where I choose to go to school, I plan on continuing that relationship, even if it means calling every night. After all, this isn't the old days anymore, like in the eighties, when people had to pay by the minute for long distance. Email, Skype, all of it means that I can talk with Whitney as much in Los Angeles as if I'd gone to State, or if I just say fuck it and go to Tokyo for college.
I'm still puzzled as the bell signifying lunch ends, and I try to get my mind back on track. I'll talk with Whitney later. I'm sure she just misunderstood me. She knows I love her, and I just need to explain to her that when I said baggage and distance, I meant so many things other than her. The idea of being without her is more painful than my left leg, which is purple-black all the way from my hip to my calf right now. It hurts on the inside, being without her.
Chapter 9
Whitney
The bathroom door is barely closed before I'm over the toilet yet again. I heave one more time, and here comes the rest of lunch.
Oh, God. It can't be, can it?
For two weeks now, my stomach's been churning, and I can barely look at food without wanting to go running to the toilet. I'm losing weight again, enough that even Dani's noticed, and yesterday, she pulled me aside after cheerleading practice. "Hey, is everything okay?"
"I'm fine," I told her, faking it. "Just . . . lunch didn't settle well with me."
"Yeah, well, that's been going on for a week now, honey. You're retreating from badonkadonk to just donk again."
I laughed then at her joke, but fighting my way to my feet now, I'm worried.
We took precautions, right? I mean, I put the condom on him myself, didn't I? Sure, it was a bit old, but the latex wasn't crumbly or anything, and later on, when we fooled around again, we were careful not to let him put his cock inside me. Instead, he taught me how amazing a tongue can feel, and I'd shown him that all those hours practicing on a banana weren't wasted.
Don't think of bananas. Don't think of any food at all.
Shit. I can't handle this on my own, so I rinse my mouth out and leave the bathroom. I'm pissed at Troy for even considering Clement, not so much because of the football reasons. I kind of understand those. His goal is to get to the pros. I get that. But can't he play at State still? And why does he want to leave Silver Lake Falls so much? Doesn't he realize that this a town that I love?
I'm nearly crying now, and I turn the corner to go to the cheerleading room. I wasn't lying to Troy. Dani did ask me to come by to help out with making part of the big poster for the game, but that’s next period when we both have study hall. I just want to be alone for a bit.
I get to the room and open the door, surprised to find Dani and Pete Barkovich making out on the sofa. "Ahem."
Pete turns beet red while Dani adjusts her top, fixing a button and giving me a shrug. "Shoulda locked it, I guess. Sorry about that. We cool?"